#CorpoCorp Welcome Pack
[[Our Story]] [[A-Z Reference]] [[Your Duties]] [[Office Layout]] [[Health and Safety]]#Our Story
The history of CorpoCorp is - for reasons we don't fully understand - the history of the Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny. Legacy documentation regarding these events can be found below:
(link-repeat: "Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny")[(goto-url: "https://www.philome.la/DamonWakes/ultraviolent-unicorn-deathmatch-of-destiny/play/index.html")]
(link-repeat: "Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny 2: Aquatic Boogaloo")[(goto-url: "https://philome.la/DamonWakes/ultraviolent-unicorn-deathmatch-of-destiny-2/play/index.html")]
(link-repeat: "Ultraviolent Unicorn Deathmatch of Destiny 3: Thundah Down Undah")[(goto-url: "https://philome.la/DamonWakes/ultraviolent-unicorn-deathmatch-of-destiny-3/play/index.html")]#Your Duties
This document will explain exactly how to perform your various duties. However, a competent employee should be able to complete them without resorting to these step-by-step instructions:(align:"<==")[\
* (link-replace: "Service inoperable photocopier")[''Service inoperable photocopier:'' First X-RAY the photocopier. Once you've identified the exact nature of the problem, KICK it.]
* (link-replace: "Assist paper clip procurement")[''Assist paper clip procurement:'' REAR up in the Stationery Cupboard. Once rearing, you will be able to YANK the box of paperclips off the top shelf.]
* (link-replace: "Engage leprechaun consultant")[''Engage leprechaun consultant:'' Simply summon Smidgeon O'Help by requesting ASSISTANCE.]
* (link-replace: "Rightsize ornamental topiary assets")[''Rightsize ornamental topiary assets:'' Use your CHAINSAW to trim all the topiary in the building.]
* (link-replace: "Compress recyclable waste")[''Compress recyclable waste:'' TRAMPLE the cans in the Maintenance Room. HURLING elsewhere will produce a pool of vomit that the janitor must attempt to clean, eliminating the possibility of trampling him by mistake. If your stomach does not contain sufficient liquid to HURL, you must first GUZZLE some: there is a suitable water cooler in the Back-of-House Corridor.]
* (link-replace: "Enact company pest control policy on second floor")[''Enact company pest control policy on second floor:'' Kill the chupacabra that has taken up residence in the office space on the second floor. To avoid collateral damage, you can REAR up to intimidate it out of any room containing people or furnishings. The beanbags in the Relaxation Area are resistant to TRAMPLE damage, making this an ideal spot. If other employees have entered the Relaxation Area, a FART will cause them to temporarily vacate it.]
* (link-replace: "Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer")[''Emancipate immobile safety deposit drawer:'' YANK the walk-in safe open, go INSIDE, then POOP a grenade. You must MUNCH food before you can POOP: Outback Taco provides a reliable supply of Australian-Mexican cuisine. Once the grenade is in the safe, you must quickly step back OUT, then KICK the door closed to avoid collateral damage.]
* (link-replace: "Purchase and consume fast food luncheon")[''Purchase and consume fast food luncheon:'' VOCALIZE in Outback Taco while the cashier is working behind the counter, then MUNCH the taco he provides.]
* (link-replace: "Observe union-mandated break period")[''Observe union-mandated break period:'' Simply ZZZ briefly.]
* (link-replace: "Facilitate employee birthday celebration")[''Facilitate employee birthday celebration:'' <p style="margin-left: 2em">\
* (link-replace: "Ensure equitable cake distribution")[''Ensure equitable cake distribution:'' CHAINSAW the cake into slices. It is strongly recommended to FART beforehand in order to clear the room and prevent chainsaw-related mishaps.]
* (link-replace: "Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir")[''Restore temperature of percolated beverage reservoir:'' Simply shoot a laser BEAM at the coffee pot in order to reheat it.]
* (link-replace: "Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting")[''Engage in workplace-appropriate move-busting:'' JIG in the Break Room while the Accounts Assistant is there (and alive) to witness it.]</p>]
* (link-replace: "Deliver verbal report to CEO")[''Deliver verbal report to CEO:'' VOCALIZE in the Top Floor Office while the CEO is alive and present. You must have completed a certain number of other quests before he will accept your report (but may continue to complete others after giving it if possible).]](text-size: 2)[''404'']
(text-size: 1.2)[''Not Found'']
(text-colour: transparent)[-]
(if: (passage:)'s name is not "Home")[\
[[Home]]
(text-colour: transparent)[-]](replace: ?Sidebar)[](goto-url: "https://www.philome.la/DamonWakes/ultraviolent-unicorn-deathmatch-of-destiny/play/index.html")(live: 0.5s)[(go-to: "Our Story")](goto-url: "https://philome.la/DamonWakes/ultraviolent-unicorn-deathmatch-of-destiny-2/play/index.html")(live: 0.5s)[(go-to: "Our Story")](goto-url: "https://philome.la/DamonWakes/ultraviolent-unicorn-deathmatch-of-destiny-3/play/index.html")(live: 0.5s)[(go-to: "Our Story")]#Office Layout
[[Third Floor]]
[[Second Floor]]
[[First Floor]]
[[Ground Floor]]#A-Z Reference
This list documents the various actions you may perform:(align: "<==")[\
* (link-replace: "A")[''A - Assistance:'' Summon Smidgeon O'Help to offer a hint.]
* (link-replace: "B")[''B - Beam:'' Shoot laser beams from your eyes.]
* (link-replace: "C")[''C - Chainsaw:'' Swing your chainsaw horn around.]
* (link-replace: "D")[''D - Down:'' Go down.]
* (link-replace: "E")[''E - East:'' Go east.]
* (link-replace: "F")[''F - Fart:'' Let loose a horrendous fart.]
* (link-replace: "G")[''G - Guzzle:'' Drink from a nearby vessel full of liquid.]
* (link-replace: "H")[''H - Hurl:'' Vomit a rainbow.]
* (link-replace: "I")[''I - In'' Get inside something.]
* (link-replace: "J")[''J - Jig:'' Perform a merry dance.]
* (link-replace: "K")[''K - Kick:'' Kick something with your hind legs.]
* (link-replace: "L")[''L - Look:'' Look around the room.]
* (link-replace: "M")[''M - Munch:'' Eat a nearby food item (including fresh corpses).]
* (link-replace: "N")[''N - North:'' Go north.]
* (link-replace: "O")[''O - Out:'' Exit something you're currently standing in.]
* (link-replace: "P")[''P - Poop:'' Poop a grenade. It will explode shortly afterwards.]
* (link-replace: "Q")[''Q - Quests:'' Show a checklist of quests to be completed.]
* (link-replace: "R")[''R - Rear:'' Rear up magestically.]
* (link-replace: "S")[''S - South:'' Go south.]
* (link-replace: "T")[''T - Trample:'' Trample something beneath your hooves.]
* (link-replace: "U")[''U - Up:'' Go up.]
* (link-replace: "V")[''V - Vocalize:'' Neigh, whinny, or snort.]
* (link-replace: "W")[''W - West:'' Go west.]
* (link-replace: "X")[''X - X-Ray:'' Survey the room with your X-ray vision.]
* (link-replace: "Z")[''Z - ZZZ:'' Take a nap.]]#Ground Floor
[[Up|First Floor]]
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<table border="1"><tr><td>
<table align="center">
<tr>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Loading Bay</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Back-of-House Corridor</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Maintenance Room</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Ground Floor Atrium</tr></td></table></td>
<td>(text-colour: transparent)[↭]</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="verysmallroom">Broom Cupboard</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Outback Taco</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Foyer</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Security Office</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Main Entrance</tr></td></table></td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
</table>
</td></tr></table>
]
]
}#Third Floor
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<table border="1"><tr><td>
<table align="center">
<tr>
<td class="room"></td>
<td></td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Top Floor Office</tr></td></table></td>
<td></td>
<td class="room"></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Second Floor Atrium</tr></td></table></td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td class="room"></td>
<td></td>
<td class="room"></td>
<td></td>
<td class="room"></td>
</tr>
</table>
</td></tr></table>
]
]
}
[[Down|Second Floor]]#Second Floor
[[Up|Third Floor]]
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<table border="1"><tr><td>
<table align="center">
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Secure Document Storage</tr></td></table></td>
<td></td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Meeting Room</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Relaxation Area</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Second Floor Atrium</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Hot-Desking Area</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">West Open-Plan Office</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Open-Plan Office</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">East Open-Plan Office</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
</table>
</td></tr></table>
]
]
}
[[Down|First Floor]]#First Floor
[[Up|Second Floor]]
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<table border="1"><tr><td>
<table align="center">
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Break Room</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Staff Kitchen</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Print Room</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">First Floor Atrium</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td>
<table border="1">
<tr><td class="toilet">(text-size: 0.5)[Men's Toilet]</td></tr>
<tr><td class="toilet">(text-size: 0.5)[Toilet Corridor]</td><td class="toilet">(text-size: 0.5)[Disabled Toilet]</td class="toilet"></tr>
<tr><td class="toilet">(text-size: 0.5)[Women's Toilet]</td></tr>
</table>
<tr>
<td></td>
<td></td>
<td>↕</td>
<td></td>
<td></td>
</tr>
<tr>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">Stationery Cupboard</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">South Corridor</tr></td></table></td>
<td>↔</td>
<td><table border="1"><tr><td class="room">HR Office</tr></td></table></td>
</tr>
</table>
</td></tr></table>
]
]
}
[[Down|Ground Floor]]